So silly

Corin is a funny character. I wonder if he likes pain – or maybe something else, like emotional turmoil oor something like that. It makes you laugh a bit, though its mean to do so, but I – or rather – yes, I think I remember how his calls with Estelle went. Because she called me six times the first time they had a call, so I felt it would be – or rather, reflect poorly on me as a friend if I didn’t check in on him as he came back from being outside for several hours on the phone. He told me – well, first I asked: “is everything okay?”, and he told me everything was. After that he invited me to the bar, which i normally would’ve said no to since it was late and I was going to be going around giving my resume out the next day so I wanted to get eight hours of sleep, especially because – now that I think about it – the night before that night I had only gotten six hours of sleep because I had seen a photo of – well its not important but I ended up staying up later than I’d planned and I had been irritable most of the next day. But I said yes because despite Corin’s goofy face, I thought there is – or rather its – well I thought after a three hour call with Estelle, Corin would – or anyone for that matter, though I do love Estelle, would be lying to say everything was really all okay, like one-hundred percent.

On the way to the bar he told me “I’m so happy. Estelle is going to go on a date with someone else.” He told me she had hung up crying but he said it was good because soon she would feel as free as he now did. Yes his exact words were something along that order. It sounded sincere and so I’d smiled for him and we had a few drinks, beer and cognac, t0 – anoint, or rather – to celebrate the sort of freedom Corin described feeling.

Which would’ve been good and fine – especially considering they’d been broken up for five months already – if he hadn’t done what I understand, from his retelling, to be the second phone call he’d had with Estelle since he’d fled California to get away from her. And he initiated the second call! He’s just so cute and silly, I mean if you watch him from afar. You can see why I would decide that he must like some sort of pain to go call Estelle again after telling her to start seeing another guy. Because what he said on the second call – as I learned from him afterwards as he smoked seven cigarettes and shredded his own mind across the images in that cyclical fixation way people get sometime – was that he’d asked for the details of their date and if she was still seeing the guy. Which Sal or I would’ve certainly stopped him from doing if we’d known who, and the the reason, he was calling – or Sal would’ve for sure. He would’ve grabbed the phone right out of Corin’s hands because he can be sure of himself and maybe thats for the best. I actually can’t say if I would’ve because its hard to decide in this case what’s right or wrong since Corin must’ve been sufficiently inspired, as Husserl would describe it, if he called her knowing there would likely be pain – although sometimes I wonder if thats really what Husserl meant because sufficient inspiration doesn’t always come – or rather isn’t always directed, so to say, at what might be best. But Sal didn’t know and so no one stopped Corin.

He told me she’d slept with the guy and I think he wanted me to be surprised a little. I tried to act sympathetic but really just listened. He disappeared for that whole night, just walked off into it. I let him go. Sal wouldn’t have. That was his first disappearance, not the second one which is the current one. When he got back, Sal was really worried and Corin was just giving his goofy smile and told Sal to try being more spontaneous for once. Corin talked about Jesus after his walk and it was a little hard to follow and I don’t know if he even really understood or was just grasping at random things. I think he’d seen a church in the night. I think he likes the pain maybe. I mean, and when I say this I really mean maybe, because I love Corin, but he likes a little bit to play the martyr. Also he likes to appear to walk on water, as if nothing touches him. So maybe Jesus is the right person for him to think about. I wouldn’t know. Corin and I went for a walk. Sal went to look for a job. I found a bird that died and Corin insisted on a little burial for it.

Estelle never came even though Corin had planned it and made me move into Sal’s room so he could have his to himself when she got there. He had been anticipating her coming a lot, he’d also been hitting on several girls each time we went out to the bar or the grocery store or the park or the coffee shop or on the street – or really wherever. He even had gotten two or three numbers, and would – which is why he’s so silly – well he would be cooking or something and describe these new girls like a little boy telling me about some brand new dinosaur, or train or like a brand new little toy that he’s completely consumed by; but he never had a single one of them over. He ghosted them and then would try to find another. This drove Sal mad because, well, I love Sal, but for all the charm he has – far more than anyone I’ve ever met – he doesn’t use it on women. Or well – I don’t know, maybe he’s a little insecure which is also cute and silly, but the whole reason I guess that this matters is because Corin is still missing and its been long enough to maybe not be simply a silly antic of his.